You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
