don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
