That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
