i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
