I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
