whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
