Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
