Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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