hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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