Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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