I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
