I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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