she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
