i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
