i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
