Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
