85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
