I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
