He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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