I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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