I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i've created a new STD.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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