How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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