I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
