I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
