Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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