Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
