That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Small penises have feelings too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
