he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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