between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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