Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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