I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
