I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
