It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
