Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
