We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
