i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
