so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
