At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
