Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
