Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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