She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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