I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I believe in your delicious
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
