I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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