When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
