I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
