Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
