you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
