found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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