Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
