He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
