is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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