WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
