she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
