so that wasnt chicken after all
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
