Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its not stalking. its research.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
