Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
