i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
