Redeem this text for a blowjob
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
