I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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