addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
