i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
