I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
