Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can't believe i had my finger in that
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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