Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
