I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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