When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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