I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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