y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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