you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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