Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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