my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
