You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize