On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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