It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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