Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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