I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my shit smells like andre
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
