How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
