Kiss
Puke
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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