I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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