Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
