Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
