I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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